Universal prescription to The Great Depression
Depression this is a word that I have seen, heard and lived personally, we all have something that

happens to us and places us under a dimmer light than that of which we are accustomed. However, many times it is set in auto repair so when the light dims our lives readjust and balance out… things like when we go through a break up we might be down and depress then all of the sudden we start turning to food, or become addicted to alcohol, smoking so forth.
My childhood had an extreme amount of challenges since the day of my birth, as a child I was addicted to drawing and praying as my life changed and the challenges got heavier, I diverted drawing into painting and sculpting. As I grew into my teenage portion of life my childhood Shadow continue to hunt me and had been fed for so many years that I can truthfully say when I had the opportunity to fight or give up, I devotedly gave up. Sadly, the universe had a different idea for me and I wake up in the hospital bed with police officers around me I speak! The years of silent…the chains all received a hairline fracture when I decided on that day to tell my story. But let me tell you from this point on the shadow aka depression fought like no other I battled with sleepless nights, hopeless I decided to allow depression to be there while I focused my mind into school. I remember at night when everyone would be sleep I would stay awake and cry trying to figure out how I could end it all and not go to hell. Then the universe introduced my godmother a woman whom wanted nothing but for me to find god and have an amazing and full life. I used her as a lifeline for me while my depression only grew and grew.
Time pass and I was now going to college my godmother got me a car and depression was so strong. I remember driven home from college on this old road and every mile I would see death herself and thoughts would go in my head. “DO IT! KILL YOURSELF! IT WILL BE FAST!” Over and over something would always distract me trees, music, animals… one day while on a red light I saw a recruiting office it was a Sunday to be exact I made a U turn, and drove into the office I had chosen the marines, however it was a Sunday and they were close… like I said the universe has plans, as I was walking back to my car this guy come out of the navy office and says “Do you want to join the military!?” just like that I was in the chair and making plans. I ask to leave as soon as possible I had graduated from school and was graduating from college next week. But since I was under age I needed to get my father’s approval. So home I went as I go to speak to my dad I decided to blackmail him asking him to sign my paper so I can join the military and I would not put him in jail but I need him to set me free. I was young and dumb when it came to the legal end of the paper work so when my dad signed everything he also had place his name on my banking information.
Two weeks later two men showed up at my door saying it was time. While in bootcamp my old friend depression showed its face once more. I was awkwardly antisocial and didn’t know how to speak with anyone. More and more it would show up randomly showing its face I remember as time went by during bootcamp, the military helped me find myself strength and power.

Depression did not like that so more and more sleepless nights were added and during a school depression decided to remind me were it all started and during one of my showers I was cornered by a follow military member whom didn’t hold back his lust for me. I sat in my room once more thanking and hoping to end it all since I was in the military during the don’t ask don’t tell. I feared speaking out because I would be kicked out and sent back to the place where I was running from. I met a cool group of guys whom just wanted to make friendships and it so happened we would all be stationed in the same duty station. We became amazing friends and left for Japan… every one of us had a shadow some greater than others but all hunted at one point or another. We however did our best to distract each other. Little by little we discovered more and more of our strength. Happiness was something that we shared for it was our medication to keep our shadows at bay. Then my shadow started trying to show its strength other members of the military base started spreading rumors that I wasn’t sleeping around with the military girls because I was gay. I was scared to go out scared to talk to anyone hunted once more with this gloom. Its hard because people don’t realize that with each visit from the shadow it becomes harder and harder to shake it off. Months went by me quiet working and going back to my bed to sleep. Then one day a group of new members came amongst them was my new medication prescriptions by the universe, a loud and straight to the point a guy named Will, he was told to stay away from me because I was gay and the first thing he says is hey bro I’m Will let’s go drink. I proceeded to tell him I don’t drink and I’ve never been out he was like cool well get ready and we will go to the club and chill. We went out this day and my depression so strong I almost blacked out of fear. Along with will came Sheldon a quiet but equally loud force of energy We go out and will says “I’m going to the bar to get a drink what do you want?” I was like a “Water is fine.” Then he responded “Well, I’ll bring you a tea.” Surprised at the fact that they had tea in the club I was like ok he brings me this long island ice tea and after four of them everything was flashes nothing bad happened, they looked out for me as I had done for my brothers and sisters. My brother they became and just like them many others were added to my path in life. Medication on speed dial is what the military is for some of us. Addictive! Once I made my decision to get out of the military I thought I was strong enough to deal with everything and a relationship I had been, on came to an end and when I tell you depression stood its ground I mean it was like a tree with endless roots I physically saw the shadow this time closer and closer to the end of my bed it spoke once more… “END IT! KILL YOURSELF, YOU ARE WORTHLESS!” I no longer had a Will or a Sheldon at arm’s reach this time, but I had a Manni and when he saw my going deeper and deeper he made it his business to stop by and visit daily on his way home from work to check on me he would throw out my old food and place fresh food in for me and he would leave me to myself. When finally, once more depression came with the you have a choice conversation I once more gave in. fortunately for me the universe had another option. As I wrote the letter to Manni telling him to leave the apt and call the cops because I didn’t want him to be the one who found my body and I laid out all the actual pills to end it all.
I get a call from a hook up I had a few weeks back. I ignored the call a few times before I finally

answered trying to give the shadow what he wanted I quickly wanted to get off the phone making excuse after excuse as to why I couldn’t hangout but the universe had things planned! This guy didn’t have a car however his uncle let him use the car on this particular day and he was outside my door he was not leaving cause he had been drinking and he was not going to be able to drive back home. I quickly flushed the pills tore the letter and open the door. We sat and watch movies and just talked seating there and looking at him and what he had just prevented me from doing I was nothing but grateful. finally, we get to my final battle with my old friend, my dear shadow… Depression himself. After signing my final paper to leave the military my father decided it was perfect timing to clean me out, taking all of my money from the bank plus credit cards in my name. Wasting it all and leaving me with nothing. And because his name was in my bank account I couldn’t get any of it back. Oh my did depression show up.
This time my medication had to be the strongest it had ever been I mean it had to be life changing,

I had nothing but my puppies and my car we lived in the beach and I would shower and change in 24hr fitness. Death was not an option anymore I had thanks to Facebook access to almost all of my universal depression prescriptions and one by one they reached out and assisted me in one way or another but the final pill for me was My Father and Shaman a man who saw my need in a dream. He showed me how the universe had assisted me during my time of need and how I had overlooked the amount of help I had. I’m not immune from depression and at times it grabs me but this time it is I who has the upper hand and as quick as it tries to show up it leaves and now that gets easier and easier to do. I wrote this to explain to any of my brothers and sisters in the military that when we get out it’s not the end of our universal medication there has been other universal prescriptions sent your way. Thought there might be something knew remember you still have access to the old ones, to me! if I’ve consider you a friend, brother, family I will always be here and try to help with what I’m able even if it’s just to make you smile and remind you of your strength.